Semi-Diagnosis

I titled this Semi-Diagnosis..because that's exactly what it was. I went to see the neurologist the next day and was so upset, worried, all of the crazy emotions you could imagine having when getting a diagnosis. My blood pressure was 175/105..that's how nervous and hyped up I was. I sat down and started crying when the nurse came in and was asking me questions. And it wasn't a small cry..it was a sob. It took him a while to come into the room (of course) so I straightened up a little. He told me because I was not able to get an MRI in the closed MRI machine, that I was going to have to go to Midland and do one in their Open MRI machine. I asked if I could be sedated..apparently that isn't an option around these parts...so I told him he has to give me something for anxiety cause I would not be able to do it, if he doesn't. He prescribed me something and scheduled it for Tuesday at 5:30. Who makes people wait all day for this thing?? REALLY! He said he got a look into what my brain..but not good enough to determine a final diagnosis and supply a treatment plan. He said that I do have a tumor/mass growing behind my left eye pressing on my optic nerve. Right then at that moment--I thought of Zoee..what would happen if I wasn't around to see her grow up? I thought of Mike having to take the responsibility of living without me and raising her. I thought of my parents possibly having to bury one of their children and couldn't imagine that being a Mom myself. I thought that this could possibly be my last Christmas to spend with my family. I thought that I am forever going to be labeled.

I will find out the final diagnosis on Wednesday. I will find out what it is..if it's cancerous/benign, I will find out if it has lesions --meaning Multiple sclerosis, I will find out how big it is, if it's operable and what exactly the game plan. Of course, I already want to go for a second opinion. I'm not too fond of my neurologist when he told me he didn't care what my blood pressure was. You should of seen my Dad's face when he said that.

On Friday, I went to see an internist. He gave me a full body physical. And when I say full body..I mean FULL BODY! They took some more blood to run the blood work that the neurologist didn't run. He put me on a different blood pressure medication..which seems to be helping me feel a little better. I do get headaches on my left side..which is understandable..and I'm still having period problems. Hopefully they can figure all that out this week and put me on something different to regulate it..cause what my OBGYN gave me last time did not work. I write this not only as some details for family and friends, but also as reminder for myself in this whole process. Here's hoping that everything goes smoothly this week and I will find out what is going to happen. I am praying that God will help me through this and guide me in the way he wants to. It's very hard to understand why these things happen..but they do!